The road to our child. Part 2.

Yes, Termination.

I remember it clearly, my son was playing with a red balloon, laughing as he bumped it against my head. My husband, whom during the discussion with the doctor had somewhat drifted away to the corner of the office, was visibly holding back tears. The doctor had called our child Abnormal. I, at the time, didn't really fully comprehend why she would suggest termination. I wasn't well researched on any of the syndromes she had stated, nor was I aware that the following months would be full of scare tactics, percentages and numbers.

Upon exiting the office you had to walk through the waiting room to exit the building, I felt like everybody knew, we must of looked so solemn, it felt like people where staring at us whispering "She's carrying a abnormal child", I thought maybe they were all trying to guess what sort of news we had gotten. When I look back at it now, I don't even know why I considered what everyone else was thinking, perhaps a sort of reflection on what I was thinking, perhaps a way of coping with all the feelings of uncertainty.

We left with referrals to the hospital for a Genetic councillor, a sonographer and a team of midwives. My husband rang his mum from the car, we only made it 2km down the road before we had to pull over. When my mother in law answered the phone, my husband let go, he cried, she couldn't understand him, so she just sat on the other end of the phone and cried with him, not knowing why. That night my Mother in law was on our doorstep. I cannot thank her enough. She lives 13hours away, when she hung up the phone she left work and boarded a plane directly, she didn't even bring clothes with her she bought a new wardrobe and toiletries upon landing, bless her.

We met up with the lead sonogrpaher at the hospital, my father in law offered to fly us to our capital city for the best medical care we could receive, turns out our hospital already had the best in that field. The doctor was very 'say it how it is' and after all the time I spent with him I still can't work out if I liked him for that or not.

We were given another full run down of why my pregnancy was now classed as High Risk. We were finally given options, none of them seemed to hold much hope at this point in time.

Termination was again at the top of the list. Next was to have a CVS (Chorionic Villus Sampling) or Amniocentesis, still after these two options were laid in front of us it was followed by..then make the decision to terminate or not. The doctors were pushing for a CVS, they can be done sooner than amnio's. I wish I could say that the thought of termination never crossed our minds, but I'd be lying. We went home and stewed on it for a couple of weeks, what our lives would be like if we had a physically or mentally (or both) disabled child, we have another child to care for. Were we emotionally strong enough to carry a child knowing that any moment that precious life will no longer have a heartbeat, could we go through with this pregnancy knowing that there is a very high chance I will be birthing a child that never takes a breath, or if the child was born alive their estimated life span may be a mere 7 hours.

We talked, we cried, we begged, we pleaded, we came to a decision.