Mummy, what are you doing?

Life has never been the same, I have 2 lovely shadows to help me through the day.

Going to the toilet. 
The bathroom is an exciting place, if you are in there surely you must be doing something really cool.
"Mummy, what are you doing in there"
Be prepared for your toddler to take a high level of interest in your bowel movements.
"Can I see it Mum" 
..But you receive positive reinforcement that your toileting practices are on par.
"Good job going to the toilet"


Hanging out the washing.
Remember the lush pile of freshly washed clothes look very similar to a jumpy castle, the only reason a lot of freshly washed clothes would be sitting in a basket is for a toddler to run and jump in, of course!

If a crawling baby see's this action, she will try to assist in the removal of the toddler by carefully removing the clothes from the basket, licking them during the process to test if they are still clean.

See also Folding clothes:
Any clothing that made it through the jump and taste test move on the fold test, to avoid going back a step to the jumpy castle, enlist the toddler to help, it returns some lovely artistic style clothing origami.

Cooking
I love to have the toddler help me cook, and he loves to help.
"I think our pizza needs more pineapple"
Prepare for mess, and usually an odd combination of foods, mainly...  99%  of pizza's made by toddler is pineapple, it would be 100% but we ran out of pineapple.

Prepare for a mad dash to pick up a high allergy baby from eating the ingredients off the floor, the ingredients that did live on the pizza before the toddler decided he needed to carry it to show daddy. Comedic scene follows as toddler mourns the loss of his creation, then continues to pull all the ingredients back out of the cupboard/fridge to make another, while mummy is trying to comfort him, stop the creation of more mess while picking up the original mess and keeping the baby from eating it.

Then run to the shops to get more pineapple to repeat the last two steps.

Showering
Beware of the mass of toys that live in the shower, they are slippery when wet and leave Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle shaped bruises on your butt when you fall onto them.

If you choose to have your shower soaps in the form of  pump bottle, you choose to have the majority of it used on the first wash, after all its pretty cool and the toddler just has to keep on pressing that pump.

There will be fights over toys in the shower, a baby slides along wet tiles when a toddler wants the toys she has. Baby laughs, then it turns into a very squishy game of bowl the baby. Its hard to explain to the toddler that its not such  great idea when the baby is laughing about it.

You can shower alone, if its your third shower for the day and you choose to do it sometime after midnight.

Eating
To toddlers, food looks better when it is on someone else's plate. the family has to sit as close as possible when eating, preferably on top of each other, so toddler can search through everyone's plates.

I love that my day is surrounded by my children, I do not mind that a 2 minute chore takes 2 hours, life goes by so fast, slowing down and involving the kids in every aspect that they want to be involved in is worth it.
One day they won't be so interested in my daily life, but I will always be interested in theirs.

The Net

The internet is a strange place. It is a highly useful tool that comes with alot of downfalls. In the 'real world' if you don't like or agree with something, you don't actively seek out participation. On the internet, everything is a click away, very tempting. There is a parenting war going on - in the 'real world' you meet like minded mama's, you make friends you discuss things that are relevant to you and you have common interests, you share and support one another, if you don't click with a certain group of people you avoid that situation. In the internet world there is alot of searching out people that are different, just to criticise differences...odd.

I do not go down to my local shopping centre daily, stand in the doorway and actively search for someone who is different to me, just so I can tell them they are different. Yet, everyday, someone does that online. They join a parenting group or forum just to be the 'keyboard warrior' who rattles the cages of something they have no interest in or interest to even learn about. Hiding behind our screens we feel invincible, emotions are distant and opinions run rampant.

Its not 'just' the internet though, actions have consequences, everything you do online, has an equal consequence in the 'real word', there are real people behind that screen, with feelings and emotions. Take a step back, think, if this was in the real world, if this was me sitting in a cafe listening to a group of mothers have a discussion at the table next to me, what would I do. You'd like to think you'd do the same thing, I doubt that in most cases.

Since when do you waltz into an group of complete strangers and announce their opinions are wrong, and if you happen to do so, do you honestly expect them to just hang their heads in shame and smile politely. Since when would you go that one step further and go through all the trouble to become a member of a group of people if you in no way agree with ANY of their opinions or thoughts. What is the point?

Yet, online, it seems like it happens constantly, in search of drama, there is no such thing as simple avoidance. Don't like something, you do not have to participate in it. Feel like you've be ganged up on, I say you most likely deserved it, what else would you expect. If it is clear what people stand for in a particular situation and you openly suggest otherwise...honestly now..and no, writing 'no offence' before the statement does not change a thing, it means you KNOW the information will most likely not be accepted by a group of people, yet YOU CHOOSE to still be a part of it. You are responsible for your own actions, feel baited into something by someone? Its your choice how you react. We can't control others, you can only hope to control yourself.

Personally, I'd prefer to go to my local shopping centre, & stand in the doorway with the mind set of finding help, finding people who seem to be similar to me, who seem to have answers to questions I have, or have questions that I have answers for. Actively seeking difference will only lead to frustration on my part, its okay to want to help people, to try to get people to see other types of methods of parenting (or whatever it is you are a part of) but in the end it should be more about being happy with yourself and your own choice, in the end its about how you are raising your own children, not anyone elses.

I'm not saying don't care, I'm simply saying that the your world does in fact revolve around you, making someone else's troubles, problems, opinions etc.. the centre instead can put your own world out of balance. By all means help, but try to make sure you are still the one orbiting that sun, and others opinions are merely visiting, don't let them take over the real point of whatever it is you are apart of.

Support comes best from those who have something in common, or those who have been through the same experience and arrived at the same outcome you're looking for with techniques you are interested in. Don't actively seek support in places you have nothing in common with, unless you are genuinely interested in the opposite opinions with an open mind.

Mostly, love all day.

Through the eyes...

"I have a sister, she is tiny. I like to hug her, she is smaller than me, but soon she will grow. We will grow together and be best friends, then she can play games with me. I love her. I have a family, Mummy, Daddy, Harper and Mason. We play games, my favourite is hide and seek."

"I love Buzz lightyear, to infinity and beyond, I love Woody too. My name starts with a M. I like to help mummy cook. I am 3 this year. I like golf, basketball and my bike. I want to do Parkour like Daddy"

Mason. 2.5 years
Spoken by Mason, written by Mummy.

I am a boy, she is a girl.

My son knows all about a woman's menstrual cycle, he asks questions and I answer them. He knows I bleed sometimes, has seen my menstrual products and asks how they are used and what they are for. He knows daddy doesn't, but it gets a tad confusing for the poor little might when he says "When I grow up I'm going to have a period!".. Case in point: Young children have no idea about gender and sexuality. So why are we so overly concerned if a boy wears pink or a girl plays with trucks. Its an adult perception once again pushed on children.

Naturally they do not see things as gender-specific, certainly there are different preferences between children, but that is called personality...not sexuality or gender-stereotyping.  Back to the previous subject of dummies again, I forgot to mention a small detail (slipped my mind...why? because it doesn't matter!) my sons preferable dummy at the moment is PINK *gasp*. This of course was mentioned at the outing, when bought up my son took it out of his mouth looked at the colour, shrugged his shoulders and went back to playing. I was then bombarded with questions, "How can you let him have a pink dummy"...Erm, his choice.. I was most shocked when someone looked horridly disapproving sighed and simply said "Oh..Katie".

That was when I proudly announced his favourite show at the moment is Angelina Ballerina, he asked for an Angelina themed birthday party and practises ballet whilst the show is on. Then the horrible word came out, the word I see so often bought up when discussion over boys and the colour pink is raised .. aren't you worried about him being gay along with the classic  you are confusing him sexually. No my friends you are confusing him sexually, what is sexual about pink, what about that wonderful colour is leading my son down a certain life path at the ripe old age of 2. "oh well it IS a girls colour"..again with these magical invisible rules.. at that point I can only *facepalm*.

*on a side note I have some wonderful gay friends who inform me they were never into any typical 'girl' things as a child, the only thing that defines them as homosexual is their sexual preference*... And you know what, whether into stereotypical reverse-gender things or not..the only thing that defines someones sexual orientation IS their sexual preference.

 Mason is getting to the age where he is working out their are differences between boys and girls, but a shocking find, colour has never been raised as a 'difference'. So far he has noticed anatomy, boys have a penis girls have a vagina. When will adults realise that differences between male and female is anatomy, kids have it right, lets listen to them for a change instead of changing their views on the world.

Once again we re shaming children,we are forcing adult views into wonderful minds.

What a shame.

Since when is it okay to tease a child? Whether you like something they are doing/ wearing etc or not, it is simply not acceptable. My 2.5 year old is very attached to his dummy (called a Binky in our house),  we are in no hurry to get rid of it, he will when he is ready, he happens to still like to comfort suck, what of it?. We do not limit his use of it whether at home or in public, on occasion we do ask him to remove it to talk so we can understand him - making conversations less frustrating for both parties, but for the most part it is a non-issue. His binky is never a substitute for love and affection, it is never 'plug up and shut up' device. With his hugs and cuddles he likes his bink. If  Iwere still breastfeeding him, I would allow comfort nursing sucking without limit, instead of/with the use of a bink!

At a family gathering a few days ago, his dummy use came up a few times. I can handle people telling me their thoughts on the subject I can ignore or thank them for their concern and go on my merry way, but when people start saying things to my toddler, its a different ballgame.

"You look so ugly with that in"
Umm... excuse me, the binky may be unsightly to you, but don't say my child looks ugly

"You're a big boy now, you don't need that"
I'm sorry, I was unaware of this magical age where a childs needs instantly change, I'm sorry sir you are now 35 you no longer need that pillow to sleep, you shouldn't need that comfort, you're a man now.

*upon walking past my child on the way outside to have a cigarette*
"Take that silly thing out of your mouth"
Really? Come on now! Your form of comfort is sucking on that death stick, I'd much prefer my child was your age still sucking on his binky....thank-you-very-much.


Just a few of the many comments said directly to my child. My 2.5 year has a binky, he is quietly sitting in the kids corner playing with a train set, he is happy, healthy, smart, talkative and gorgeous, we should definitely get rid of that binky it is quite obviously corrupting him, the invisible age law comes into affect and its just not right!

No wonder there is so much stereotyping, class separation in the schooling system, they are taught that certain things are just not acceptable at certain ages. To play with toys, run, jump, make fortes and skip is not deemed 'cool or grown up' therefore you are separated into groups of 12 year olds (those that are children and those that are mini adults) and they ostrasized and bullied for 'being babies', now people are doing that to children as young as 2!... I am in my mid 20's and enjoy jumping in puddles. . :/  Our kids grow up fast enough without forcing this 'big boy' nonsense - "Big boys use the toilet", "big boys don't have dummies", its shaming a child into growing up, its teasing a child.

Don't shame your children for being children!

The road to our child. Part 6.

Harper, a few hours old.

This is the last post, I promise :).

Harper was born at 6:50pm on August 15, 2010 at 37+6 weeks gestation (give or take) she weighed in at 2.4kg. Harper was in an odd position for birth, sunny side up and on a slight angle, with every contraction I had she would turn her head (trying to position herself better perhaps), which the midwives say lead to the stop/start labour and the slow dilation. I believe a big part of it was my emotional unease at meeting her that lead to the length of time between first contraction and birth, by the end I had let go, I was ready and so was she. Her APGAR scores were 10 & 10, not only was she alive, but she was PERFECT. She was born with a large birth mark on top of her head, the birth mark has incredibly dark thick hair over it, the rest of her hair is blonde, this is no relations to the Hygroma. After Harper was born 3 different Paediatricians (with different hierarchy in the hospital) performed detailed checks on her, not one could fault her. Our daughter is that 1 child out of 100,000, our daughter is healthy.

We are still being told by the professionals that there could be problems that present themselves in the future, that it is still a waiting game to see her mental capabilities and growth as she ages. But, to them I say, a big ole pfffffffffffttttt....She is now 8 months old, she is sitting, standing and crawling, she is normal. She is still small, only 5.4kg, she has numerous allergies including CMPA (cows milk protein allergy),severe reflux and has been hospitalised twice for failure to thrive. None of these issues she is having can be traced back to the Cystic Hygroma, if we had never scanned and had never known, she would of been, for all intensive purposes a 'normal' pregnancy.  I am so glad that we decided either way, she is our child. If she was not born 'normal' (as the doctors say) my feelings would not differ, we would still be happy. We would be happy for the opportunity of knowing her and carrying her, we came to that realisation a while ago and it helped us through the what-ifs.

We took her to a chiropractor to try to help with the reflux, he was concerned about her, saying her trunk was shorter than the top half of her (she was out of proportion), and the back of her neck was shorter and wider than what he considers normal range, he was unable to do any work on that part because he could not even access it due to how short it was.  He ended by stating  that he was not a paediatrician of any kind but in his honest professional opinion she looks like she has some sort of 'genetic abnormality'.  We took this news back to our paediatrics, who assured us he could see nothing wrong with her structure. Paediatricians and Chiropractors aren't always on the same page and I wonder if the doctor had thought something was off with Harper but since she was seemingly doing well it was no cause for concern. I really don't know what to think of what the the Chiropractor said and quite honestly I don't care, I may be choosing to be blind, but my daughter is happy and that all that concerns me right now.

Looking back now, there are numerous things I would of done differently, even though the Hygroma wasn't picked up through routine testing, if we decide to have further children we will graciously decline them. What will be, will be and we are happy with that. I will not lose another pregnancy to facts, figures and worry. If you are experiencing a high risk pregnancy I tell you now, there is hope, medical advancements are wonderful, but not always accurate. Sometimes the ending is not so sweet, but my child beat the odds, there is no harm in hope. We were scared to hope, even told not to, they bombarded us with stories of failure and heartbreak, I am here to share a real story proving that there is a chance.

I lived in fear when Harper was younger, I thought we were too lucky, I feared constantly that she would be taken from us, that she would die, that this is all too good to be true and I've had some rough patches with post traumatic stress. I am relaxed now, we deserve this, we deserve a healthy child and Harper is here, time to stop dwelling and do some living.

Harper with her big brother Mason.

The road to our child. Part 5.

August 10, 2010 marked the beginning of the end of our journey, I was 37+1 weeks. Contractions started just as they did with my sons birth, middle of the morning, 15 minutes apart and out of nowhere that was the only similarity between my sons labour and Harpers. They were definitely there, but not intense enough for me to not go about my day. My In laws were in town, which was great timing on Harpers behalf. 

My son was born within 4 hours of feeling the first contraction and the contractions never became regular,  Harper's stayed at 15 minutes apart the entire day, So I just went about my day, hanging out with my son and being a family. I lost a large chunk of my mucous plug, that had never happened before and I was quite amazed at the size of it, I told my husband and he thought we should go to the hospital, I assured him that we still had time. I went to bed still contracting through the night. The next day the contractions were stronger, I had to concentrate on them at times to make it through they slowly become erratic, coming anywhere from  5 minutes to 10 minutes apart before settling back in at 15 minutes. 2 days  in and I was exhausted. 

Day 3 I decided to go to the hospital to have a chat with them, I was physically exhausted and the contractions were coming to a point where I was no longer able to talk through them. I consented to an internal, they confirmed I was in active labour at 5 and a bit cm dilated, the gave me the option of staying in hospital or going home. I chose to leave, knowing that these contractions were getting me somewhere gave me another boost of energy. We went out to dinner that night with my parents and my in-laws, both live quite a distance from us. It was wonderful to spend that time with everybody, we spent a lot of the 'down time' focusing on our son, we always remained open and honest about details of the pregnancy and what happens during birth with him. We went to bed refreshed and still pregnant.

Day 4 I ended up going back to the hospital, contractions were hitting hard and fast, to the point of having to squat on the ground in the car park to be able to get through them, we were close, they were now all over the place with no regularity but they were intense. I spent the next few hours in a birthing suit, bouncing on a pregnancy ball, which I was reluctant to do because they made the contractions a thousand times worse, the midwife assured me it would get the labour going, in the end I had to stop. I couldn't bounce and make it through the contractions. I ended up sitting on the ball, leaning my head onto the bed and just staring at the sheets to get though them. I consented to another internal, by this point the midwives were starting to worry about the intensity of the contractions and progression. I was only 6 cm dilated, I felt an extreme wave of let down, my body was working so hard, but I'm not doing it properly, this couldn't be further from the truth, my body was doing just fine, my body was doing great preparation. 

They decided they wanted to break my water and it may sound silly after the high intervention level so far, but I was not consenting to yet another. I was well aware of the trickle down effect that breaking my water would do, it was then I decided I had enough of all this intervention, I had new found energy. I hauled my heavily labouring pregnant self out of there, they gave me sleeping pills to try to get some rest and told me they would preferred if I stayed. I still cried on the way home, I made the right decision, but I was exhausted and ready.

I didn't take the pills, the intensity died down and I slept, I slept a sleep of exhaustion and peace. I woke up without a sign of labour, was all that a dream last night. We ended up going for a long drive to my husbands grandparents farm (over an hour away) tempting fate perhaps, we had a lovely family lunch and I sat rocking in the rocking chair most of the time to help my contractions, we hired some movies and went home to relax. It was now 6:10pm on August 15th 2010, 5 days after my first contraction. Halfway through the movie came a sudden onset of highly intense, very close contractions. As  I rocked on all fours on the floor in intense pain I told my husband I needed to go to the toilet, this happened through two more contractions until it clicked and he replied "No you don't, your having a baby!!". I was contracting hard & fast and was in a world of my own, it was a very comical scene as my husband tried to wrestle me to the car with me screaming "no, I don't want to move, don't move me, just leave me be!"

My MIL met us at the hospital and I was now simply staring as contractions hit, I would stare at the ceiling, or a spot on the floor, no yelling, no screaming, just pure concentration...and boy did it feel good! I guess that is why midwife on call did not believe I was very close to birthing, she put me in a monitoring room and took her sweet time to come have a chat to us, she finally had  look and announce "oh, your having a baby right now". I walked the 10 metres to a birthing room, my waters still intact and I had begun pushing as soon as I made it to the room, at this point I was actually comfortable laying on my back. The midwife offered me gas, I took it, I had 2 breathes of it and they took it back off me (apparently gas has a massive affect on me, and just those two hits made me exclaim that we were all in the matrix), so I started this naturally and I was finishing it naturally. I never felt the urge to push with my son, I simply did it because I was instructed to, with Harper I did. Two pushes and my child, my precious daughter who was not meant to even be here was laying on my chest, the time was 6:50pm, 40 minutes after my contractions picked back up again, 20 minutes after we arrived at the hospital. 

Harper Maree was earthside, the waiting game was over, or so we thought...